Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Komal

Shubham was married at a very young age, according to traditions his parent’s made the choice, he only saw her once formally before marriage and got married. His wife Rani had nothing in common with him, actually they were as different as two sides of a coin. Shubham was a very soft speaking, gentle person, whereas Rani was fiery tempered. Shubham was very serious and Rani was of a fleety nature. Rani was coquettish, she wanted to enjoy the life to the core, even at the cost of causing other’s pain and shubham was of a reserved nature, he believed in values and principles.

They had a baby daughter, Komal. Shubham was dragging his marital life with Rani just because of Komal. He knew she only wanted his money, he knew that she was infidel, but he knew that if they separate he might have to lose Komal.

One day Shubham came back from office and saw that Rani has left him and Komal, she only left a note that she is feeling suffocated with life, has found some one who matches her wavelength, hence she is leaving him on her free will, as her fiancé is not ready to accept Komal she has no choice but to leave her with Shubham, finally the letter said her lawyer will contact him.

Shubham was shell shocked but some how relieved, all the pain he felt was of embarrassment, even though Rani has decamped with all her belongings, he some how did not regretted that, he tried to handle his embarrassment by becoming more and more silent. Wherever he went he used to either hear murmurs or imagined that he was hearing. He was silent by nature, and this embarrassment made him even more silent and withdrawn. All his attention revolved around his work and Komal. There was only one relief, due to Rani’s outgoing nature Komal was more attached to her father and ayah than Rani, hence Shubham and her ayah easily tackled her.

A couple of months later, one day when he was coming down by lift somebody tapped him on the shoulder and he turned back to see Sikta, his college friend, who he knew was madly in love with him but he was not, and they remained friend for a long time, then he married Rani and Sikta slowly moved away.

Next few months passed like dream, with every passing day Shubham could see that Sikta had all the qualities which Rani could never have, and started to regret deep within that he had this intelligence in college, to distinguish between genuineness and coquettishness. They became inseparable friends again.

Rani has in the meantime started the divorce procedure and Shubham asked for right on Komal, Rani granted her permission. It was during these days Sikta first saw Komal, and to Shubham’s utter joy they clicked right on the first day and soon they became inseparable.

They used to meet everyday, Sikta was unmarried, she used to drop in Shubham’s home every day to be with Komal and him. Her love for him was growing again, and Shubham has deeply fallen in love with her, but could not dare to propose her thinking that she will think that he wants a mother for her daughter.

One day when Sikta came she saw that Komal was having high temperature, that night that baby clinged to her as if she was her biological mother. She spent the night there, and in the morning when Shubham asked her if he will drop her to her office and she said she has taken a week’s leave and will leave after Komal is alright.

In the night when Shubham returned Sikta asked him to sit beside Komal and went to the next room to call her family, all of a sudden Komal woke up and started to call her mother, Shubham tried his best to console her, all of a sudden Sikta entered the room and seeing her Komal instantly stopped and started to pout at her, Sikta came there and took Komal from Shubham’s arm with a sheepish smile, Shubham realized that Komal was looking for Sikta not Rani.
He went to the next room to hide his tears.

A few minutes later he felt some one touching his shoulder and turned to face Sikta.

4 comments:

  1. Nice story, it is in your earlier style. I like the style. Very positive out look on life. Also you seem to be going more in depth to the nature of the characters. That is lovely.

    I guess you find it difficult to write dialogs into the story when narrating in this style.

    Try the technique of flash backs to do that. Just after the first paragraph you could bring the daughter running in, for example. Like....

    -Komal came running in to the room.

    "Dada, can we go out now"

    And construct emotional content into the story. I don't know if you are really reading these comments of mine. But you have enough stories. It is wasteful not to make into something. Work on a philosophy of life. A writer should have a well developed philosophy of life. That is what ads meaning to what he/she writes. Not the incidents itself.

    Have you a philosophy of life which could be integrated to the stories?

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  2. dearest sam,
    i am not going to write in your style :) i will write in my style.
    you guessed it right, it was of the old stock.

    i dont have the patience of writing long stories... i will write short stories mostly, but i will open another blog here for long stories, ok? and try descriptive style.

    as you are the solo reader we can discuss and try.

    thanks for all the tips which you are giving :) i will try to apply it in the new blog, i will transfer "its my life" there and put up another long story there, then we can both work on them if you have the patience and time..

    i am not lazy but my attention span is very short, that is why you must have seen that my poems are far better.. it takes about two to three minutes to me to write a poem. and most of them go out in the first form, after spelling check etc.

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  3. That's lovely. I may be the only reader dear Trisha, but I am worth hundreds you know :):)

    Send me the URL when you start the new blog. Let it be a writers blog :)

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  4. if i do :) i certainly will send you the url.. but i dont have any such plans right now.

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