Agni was a silent observer, she used to travel for hours in train to reach Kolkata every day to work, her policy was to get a seat near the window and spend the entire journey observing the beauty of nature.
It was very tough for any one to engage her for gossips or petty talks, she preferred polite silence, most probably this nature of her attracted tormented people towards her, she used to observe with surprise the way complete strangers used to open up to her.
One day she was sitting in her seat when she observed a woman of extra ordinary beauty and charm occupying the seat opposite to her, the lady struck up an conversation with her and Agni talked with her in her aloof way.
The next day the lady was already there when Agni came to her typical seat, the lady smiled at her and she smiled back.
In accordance to her previous experiences, the lady started to share her experience with Agni within a month, her name was Radha, she married some one her parents chose for her, but everything went nightmarishly wrong, her husband got bored of her within a few years, even though every thing was picture perfect. Radha’s husband was a gazetted officer, she was beautiful, charming and a wonderful singer and their only son aditya was an angel.
But Radha’s husband Prakash was forever complaining, he used to mentally torture her and whenever she protested he used to call her psychiatric patient and used to bully her to take medicines for same, slowly it became her habit and before she realized she became one and her husband walked out on her.
She returned to her home with her son, her mother was practical she arranged for her separate accommodation, Radha had a huge inheritance from her father, which took care of her financial needs, her mother passed away a few years later.
Radha found a friend and mentor in her brother’s childhood friend Dibyendu. Her brother has passed away in youth but his friend kept in touch with them. He was 14 or 15 years older than Radha, director of an events management company, he devoted himself to settle Radha as a singer. Radha’s son Aditya was studying engineering in Mumbai and had won an scholarship for Post graduation in USA.
After Radha’s mother passed away and Aditya went to Mumbai she and Dibyendu started to mix a lot because they both admired each other, but Dibyendu’s wife did not liked it, she was a small town girl, whose parents did not thought it necessary to educate her properly, hence she had to bid good bye to studies and get married after tenth standard. Anu knew the wide gap between her and her husband’s cultural mindset, so, the moment she set her eyes on Radha she became scared to death. Hence Dibyendu requested Radha to keep their meetings a secret. Which Radha did not objected to because she wanted his help desperately.
But after a couple of years Dibyendu started to show the symptoms of falling in love, and Radha’s lonely heart was also longing for a companion. But there was only one obstacle, Radha was dead against extra martial relations and Dibyendu was clear about one thing, he wont divorce Anu. But he kept on insisting Radha for a relationship without Anu’s knowledge.
After saying this far, Radha turned for Agni and said that lately she is again feeling a deep urge to start taking those medicines which the doctors have strictly prohibited her from taking.
Agni said after thinking a little, that if she was Radha she would have strictly snubbed any such hints from Dibyendu. Because all it will bring in her life was disgrace and pain. What will be her place in her own eyes and the eyes of her son and the rest of the society?
She said that if she was Radha she would have got her son married and after that would have married some one who will give her the position of his legal wife. The world is too big, there are millions of lonely people looking for suitable life partner, so, if she looks around she sure will find some one who will accept her with her due respect.
She should stop depending on Dibyendu, and become more dependent on herself. She has a lot of assets in herself, which she can focus on, her financial security, looks, talents and so on, hence, she should stop tormenting her self for a marriage that has gone wrong long ago and start to live confidently.
If she stops thinking herself as vulnerable every thing will turn out to be fine, she is an easy prey because she thinks herself pitiable. The day she will start to stand tall she will be able to fight all the pain and frustration. And before she realizes life will start to sing according to her tunes.
A few months have passed, Agni was sitting in the same seat, casually looking out of window when someone touched her shoulder, she turned and saw Radha. There was vermillion on her forehead indicating her marriage and smile on her lips saying it was happy.
She sat down beside her and started to chat incessantly, the gist which Agni could get from her chattering was she has married someone from her music circle, someone who has proposed her more than once, she married him two months ago after getting Aditya’s consent.
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Would you take some criticism dear Trisha?
ReplyDeleteThe story is more descriptive than suggestive. I think you should have taken Agni out and related it from Radha's angle alone. The advice part actually do not matter. Radha could have arrived at it by herself. I know that it could be your own experience. But that too is not important.
This theme had all the elements of a high drama in it. A beautiful divorced singer,psychiatric problems, money, concerts, accompaniments, other musicians, attached friend, his wife, her own child, her musical career. The exotic locale of Mumbai as a background. Another big city to shift focus to. Well you have it all.
Develop it as a novel. If it is a novel you can also bring in Agni and her life to it and sevearal other charecters too. It could be interesting. Try the pulp version first if you haven't written a novel before. It could be intriguing. Don't begin at the beginning of the story take it up from mid way. Use the talkative style or stream of consciousness.
Begin like
"Agni was worried. She had missed the bus to the station. None of the auto's would even stop . She managed to find one at the last crucial minute. She is going to be late for the train today." :)
Not like this of course but in a very engaging style. Make it into say eighteen chapters like the Geeta. You can base the story on its philosophy too. First the Arjuna Vishada yoga. Describe the doubts , mental obstrctions, fears etc of the main charecter Radha. Then the Samkya yoga, the reasoning process. Radha decides to tackle her problems sanely and so on.
I tell you its gonna be fun as the americano says.
Try it, its a good diversion even if nothing comes of it :) If no one reads it I will read it for sure. Though you don't hold my judgement highly. :(
you know i admire your judgment :) :)
ReplyDeletethats what everyone has said me in that writing platform, all these were written for msn, so i had to keep in mind the word limit.. the stories which i will update from now on will be the fresh ones.. you will see that i have changed the way of writing but the stories are still small in size :)
That would be good :)
ReplyDelete:) though i cant be jane austen but i can try to be sharmishtha basu :)
ReplyDelete